You don’t have to be an adult for long to determine people deal with life very differently. Some people make great strides to evade conflict. Some bathe in conflict until it boils. Others soak it up and fire out a great solution. Everyone has their own spin on situations. That spin – the reaction – is what ranges so widely.

I often think back to a fairly insignificant event from several years ago. I was helping Dad and a friend put a 23-foot sailboat in the lake. Because of the boat’s fixed keel, we needed a deep water landing to get the boat in the lake. The best option was a landing at a campground known as “Big Sandy Point.” We hauled the boat there and asked the owner – a fellow sailor – for a favor.

He granted permission and was more than willing to accommodate our rather large ship in exchange for a strong boat drink.
No problem, right?

It shouldn’t have been. There was just one obstacle.

A lady.

Parked.

On a golf cart.

By the lake.

None of it made sense unless you assumed she was either injured or a feverish golfer. The closest golf course was six miles away. We determined she was loafer-ish, had pent-up hostility toward sailors and relished moments spent on boat landings on golf carts. She was also quickly agitated by inconveniences – even if they weren’t inconvenient.

After we set the mast and prepped the boat (not in any way a small task), we issued the promised boat drink, which was concocted by my dad’s friend. The resort owner then called the attention of beach goers and requested they clear the landing so we could use it for its intended purpose – to put a boat in the water (not park a golf cart).

The woman craned her head to see what was causing the disruption.

She spotted us: a 30-something female, a retirement-aged male and an agile mid-40s man gazing back at her, perhaps too patiently. We weren’t even asking a favor. It was common sense. Indisputable. Completely obvious. And not even close to a big deal thanks to the everyday golf cart’s best virtues: mobility and maneuverability.

Despite being on a golf cart, she didn’t seem to like the concept of letting someone else ‘play through’. This notion would not put her into motion.

“Thank you!” I offered, hoping it was all the encouragement she would need to transfer her foot to the gas pedal, push and clear the way.

“This is bull$%#!” she declared, dramatizing the two-inch bend she needed to make to shift the cart into reverse. She ran her mouth a lot but moved like a sloth.

“Geeze, lady” the boat owner mumbled under his breath. “It’s not like we’re asking you to get off your cart.”

She parked the cart to the side, crossed her arms and peered at us as we backed in the boat. All went fine, aside from the sour aura she radiated.

This should have been unmemorable, but her reaction to a minor request for change stuck with me and resurfaces often.

Was she just having a bad day, or was this situation indicative of most in this woman’s life? And if this peanut incident didn’t register as monumental just because she was having a bad day, what would an actual bad scenario look like? Would she detonate? Combust? Stomp her drink through the golf cart floor?

A few hours later, I wove the story into a conversation with my mom. She and my dad were still unhappily wed at the time, and my mom was diligently listing off things she despised about my dad.

Sensing the list would never end, I chimed in.

“You know who you remind me of, mom?”

I told her the story.

“You’re the lady on the golf cart,” I said, cringing at my inability to soften the blow.

Then I pictured it again and laughed.

“This is bull$%#! I mocked, saying it as loud and nasally as possible.

“Even though all is well in the world around you, you choose to focus on the dust rather than the photo, the rain rather than the rainbow and the flaws more than the beauty in imperfection.”

Mom acknowledged I was right and also laughed at being compared to the golf cart woman.

But how many times do WE ALL determine something “is bull$%#!” instead of making it into something that’s not? How many times do we turn from something or someone because of frustrations or hang-ups – our unwillingness to “deal” with it? And, how often are we bothered by someone else’s happiness? Success? Difference?

The good news for us is, when others are happy and doing well, we aren’t shorted anything. The world does not “cap out” on joy and happiness, so not a single ounce of joy is robbed from someone else who is enjoying life. Therefore, when others are living their lives how they want (whether or not we approve), there’s enough happiness that we, too, can experience it, SIMULTANEOUSLY and in our own way. This seems like an obvious concept, yet it’s very apparent we struggle with it.

As for the people who seemingly try to bring us down – crabs in a bucket – they’re a different story.

If you don’t know about the “crab mentality,” it’s very important you look it up. The parable describes a bucket of live crabs, some of which could escape, but other crabs pull them back down to prevent any from getting out. This way, all the crabs remain miserable. In other words, “if I can’t have it, neither can you.” Whether they do it intentionally or this is just an analogy I’m not sure, but you get the idea – it’s a good demonstration of how not to live a life.

I try to remember the crabs in a bucket are probably very desperate for love. Because their personalities are so appalling – likely because they’ve been hurt in the past – they continue the cycle of poor treatment and are no longer surprised when it circles back.

But someone needs to break the cycle. Could it be me? Could it be you?

I wonder – how would she have responded had we invited her along? Had she ever been sailing? Might she enjoy it more than the golf cart she was on? I had a 50/50 shot at breaking the cycle and didn’t even consider trying.

There will be plenty of other opportunities to clear the clouds. Until then, here’s to more even-keeled and well-spirited crabs in the bucket.

Shootin’ the Wit is a sporadic blog about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.