Who doesn’t love jump-starting their morning with a tall glass of sunshine?

Okay, so there are probably more than a handful of people who don’t enjoy this nutritious drink, but these are the same type of weirdoes who don’t think puppies are cute. For the rest of us, O.J. is the only way to start the day. In fact, some people have the time, patience, and muscles to squeeze their own, or the brains to buy a juicer. Since I lack that much dedication, I just buy the good stuff.

If you’ve never paid attention, you may not realize the wide variety of orange juice available – frozen concentrate, ready-to-drink from concentrate, not from concentrate and the “juice” that really only consists of about 20% juice. Some people – my mother for example – believe true importance lies in getting the cheapest product on the shelf. At a very young age, I remember this upsetting my dad, who felt the better quality orange juice was worth an extra buck or two.

I’m with Dad on this one. There aren’t many things more important than what kind of orange juice you have in your fridge. It ranks right up there with filing your taxes on time or remembering to brush your teeth in the morning. After all, this citrus goodness has plenty of health benefits.

One afternoon in the grocery store, I – like always – was carefully inspecting prices, ounces, and vitamin content of each brand in the cooler. Generally able to complete the task before getting jabbed with a cart or getting in the way of another customer, I had company this time. An older man approached the cooler and rapidly made his selection.

Hold up. Was this a joke? A self-proclaimed orange juice professional, I was one-upped. I felt like Jennifer Aniston when Angelina Jolie came into the picture. I had approached the cooler much sooner than him… how could he have possibly already picked out the juice and been on his way? What would inspire such confidence from this man that he wouldn’t even take a look at sale prices or expiration dates? Was this some type of brand-loyal fool? More importantly, did he know something I didn’t?

I’m not usually a nosy person, but I had to know what he had selected. I was curious, to say the least. I took note to what he had tucked into his elbow like a proud football player about to enter the end zone. He had chosen the “Light, ½ the sugar” orange juice. I made that mistake once… never again! This man had to be warned.

“Sir!” I caught the elderly gentleman’s attention before he had strayed too far. “I bought that kind once, and was upset when I saw it was only 42% juice,” I said, pointing at his hastily-made selection. “If you need ‘light’ orange juice, you might as well buy the regular stuff and add water to it to make it ‘light.’”

“Eh -” The man said, shaking his head. “I’ve been buying this for years!”

I informed the man that I felt ripped off the first (and only!) time I purchased the “light” O.J. They call it health conscious. I call it stupid – half the sugar because it’s half the juice. If I want half the sugar, I’ll drink a half of a glass.

I warned the man of the default product, but it was obvious he was a brand-loyal customer who wasn’t about to change his naïve ways. He felt strongly. Like he said, he’d been buying this for years. To change now would be absolutely absurd. He was confident in his product and did not wish to jumble things up.

Fine by me! My duty had been done. I wished him a good day and we parted ways, only to have a run-in again several minutes later. He was on his way back to the orange juice. “You know?” the man said to me, looking rather confused. With severe concern in his voice, he continued, “I have never noticed that before. You’re right… it is only 42% juice.”

I smiled, glad to see this man was coming to his senses. I encouraged him and watched as he approached the cooler a second time. He stood there for quite a while. It was obvious that the ‘light’ orange juice had stunted his growth – all along, he thought he was an O.J. pro, when really he was a mere O.J. amateur.

Checking out, I saw the man again. He was purchasing… eggs. Eggs only. No orange juice. He walked out of the door, eggs swinging from the plastic bag. They sure looked lonely in there with no orange juice, and the man? He looked completely defeated.

My heart sank a little. I had hoped he would pick out some higher quality O.J. to enjoy the next morning. He deserved to bring home the good stuff. Had I known my knowledge-sharing would have caused him to leave nearly empty-handed, I’m not so sure I would have said anything. After all, 42% juice is better than no juice at all. And what was he going to drink with those eggs he just bought?

When your world is shaken with something of the sort – something you thought you knew your whole life, you might not be in the mood to move on very quickly. Maybe he just needed some time to reflect on what had happened, where he had gone wrong and what steps he needed to take to get back on track.

I think of that man often. I do hope he eventually went back to the store and got the courage to search what else is out there for him. Who knows – he may have become the dedicated squeeze-your-own type, buying only bags of oranges. For all I know, he went home and planted an orange tree in his back yard, in which case I feel the need to inform him he needs to live a little further south for it to produce anything.

Shootin’ the Wit is a weekly column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.