One would think picking out a greeting card for a special occasion would be easy. It should be like picking out a new toothbrush for yourself, no?

Unfortunately, I’ve noticed this task takes me an unusually large amount of time, and I know I’m not alone. Upon entering a store, I’ve seen people perusing the greeting cards. Forty-five minutes later, after I’ve ordered photos, collected a week’s worth of groceries and made my selection at the deli, the poor soul is still aimlessly wandering through the aisles – empty handed. If picking out cards is not your forte, you understand that no matter who the recipient or what the occasion, this is no small task.

The process begins in a positive way. Forgetting you spent an hour reading through 90% of the cards last time, you figure this occasion will be easy. You enjoy yourself at first – especially when sifting through the humorous section. If you’re like me, you become overly engrossed. Fully captivated in the project at hand, you forget you’re in public. Card after card you giggle, or – if the card is really good – toss your head back and let out a loud, appreciative laugh. Immediately regretting your lack of control, you notice other shoppers are watching you. Some people glare. The kid in the cart nearby starts crying.

Apologizing to bystanders within earshot, you debate whether you should share what you found to be so humorous. Instead, you glance at your watch and remember this was supposed to be a quick errand on your way to do 30 other things on your list.

“Okay,” you think, starting to repeat the recipient’s name. “What kind of card would they enjoy? Cute? Sappy? Funny? Risqué?”

At this point, you begin to break down. You find humor in these cards, but unfortunately other people may not have the same appreciation for being the butt of a joke. You could play it safe and purchase a sappy card – you know – a real tear-jerker. On the other hand, if you’re paying for a message someone else wrote, wouldn’t you prefer it made your friend laugh instead of cry?

Glancing at the backs of cards, you cringe. Four dollars? Four dollars to send someone a message written by some big-name company? Four dollars to show someone you care, but not enough to come up with something cooler than a card? You begin running through your options again. You’d rather spend $4 buying this person a drink or a few scratch-offs… something they’re less likely to toss in the trash.

You begin to wish you would have taken the time to make a card. I have plenty of experience constructing personalized cards for family and close friends. When I have time, putting two hours into a detailed card is worth it when you watch a loved one open the envelope and discover something you obviously put a lot of thought and time into. Sure, it takes quite a bit more effort on your part, but at least it’s something the recipient might keep for more than a day or two. Besides, it would probably be easier than trying to weed through all the generic cards trying to find a decent one. Beginning to brainstorm customized messages, you remember why you’re in the store picking out a card… it needs to get out in the mail today.

Feeling like a terrible friend, you roam from section to section searching for an appropriate card… or not appropriate, depending on the person. You find a card that has you rolling. “Great!” you think, grabbing an envelope and turning to leave. Then you realize purchasing a card which jokes about getting old may be offensive to the friend who called you crying after she found her first gray hair last week. Not wanting to step on any toes, you place the card back in its slot and come face to face with the fact that the perfect card for this person may not exist.

Some people have a natural talent for selecting cards. I can recall three cards which will probably never be forgotten. The first was received from my grandpa for Valentine’s Day at least fifteen years ago – before I hated the “holiday.” Gramps purchased one of those singing cards for me. I remember carrying that card with me wherever I went, singing along: “Let me call you sweetheart, I’m in love with you…” The card was cool enough to bring to show and tell. I still have it, though now I realize the “to my better half” message isn’t quite appropriate. Good ol’ Gramps was a good enough card selector to know that I’d fall in love with the card anyway. A second card came from my sister, who gave me a “sisters” card which is still hanging from my fridge. It describes our relationship so well that it… um… might, ahem, sort of make me cry a little bit. And a third was received from my brother – another singing card which was hilarious because of a running inside joke.

In all my card-receiving years, three stand out. Three. Out of several hundred. Do you realize what this means? It doesn’t really matter what kind of card you send, or what the message inside says. The fact is, everyone wants to be remembered in some way or another.

I say we do away with store-bought cards. Buy some construction paper, get out the glue stick and make your own card. Gather a few photos of times spent together and put a collage together. Make a package out of freshly baked cookies to show you care. Write out a “top 10” list of best times spent together.

These “gifts” are the things that mean the most, making you laugh the hardest and smile the biggest. Even if they don’t hold onto it forever, the memory never goes away. And really – isn’t that the whole point?

Shootin’ the Wit is a weekly column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.