There comes a time in everyone’s life when they think they’ve come up with “the million-dollar idea.” I once thought I had a breakthrough idea that would revolutionize the toaster pastry industry.

I was eating a Kellogg’s Pop-Tart and discussing nothing in particular with my family. I savored each bite of my treat, first breaking off the crust and sharing it with the dog drooling at my feet. I slid the crust off the bottom and ate that next. Finally, I folded what was left – the frosted part – in half, creating a double-sided frosted Pop-Tart.

That’s when it hit me. I quickly ran an idea by my family. Blank stares, head nods… I could tell – they thought it was genius too. I frantically scanned the box for the Kellogg’s 1-800 number and dialed. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of this earlier.

After going through the number menu, I was finally put on hold to speak with a representative. I smiled at my family members, who were also anxiously waiting to see what would come of this. As classical music blared from the touch-tone, I grinned, knowing this was the last time I’d ever be put on hold. I felt great. I was going to bring a million-dollar idea to the table (literally) and my life would be changed forever. I began making a mental list of things I wanted to do with my soon-to-be life of leisure. I was excited to cop out of classes and start traveling. Even though I was a mere teenager at the time, I was sure that phone call would guarantee smooth sailing for the rest of my life.

“Hello. Thank you for calling Kellogg’s,” the representative said. “How may I assist you today?”

“Welllllll….” I said, singing my own praise. “I’ve got a great idea for your company.

I paused, waiting for a drum roll.

[Silence]

The lack of response hardly concerned me, for this lady was probably unable to fathom that my brainstorm could likely be life-changing for her as well.

“I think,” I continued, drawing out the big news for as long as possible. “It would be a great idea,” [pausing to help build suspense] “If you guys put frosting on both sides of your Pop-Tarts.”

I couldn’t wait for her to congratulate me and book me a flight to their headquarters, where we could iron out the details. My family sat in silence, staring at me, waiting for some type of reaction. Even I wasn’t expecting what was about to come.

“Okay, ma’am,” the lady started, less than thrilled about having to listen to my “great” idea. “First of all, we don’t take ideas from customers. We have creatives here who come up with ideas for the company.”

I instantly felt used. Why was she telling me this after I shared my innovative thoughts?

“And second,” she continued, “We’ve thought of that idea many, many times. But can I get your name for the record?”

Thought of the idea many times?! As far as I could see when scanning the grocery store aisles, Kellogg’s “creatives” were obviously not “creative” enough to come up with the double-sided frosted Pop-Tart.

Despite feeling humiliated and taken advantage of, I stayed on the line and gave the lady my contact information. On autopilot, I rambled off my address and realized I’d have to keep living my life as it was. I still had to share a room with my pesky brother, finish high school, go to college, get a big-girl job and experience the real world along with everyone else who hasn’t yet devised a million-dollar plan.

When we were through, I hung up and repeated to my family what she had told me. My family thought it was hilarious. They’ve always been supportive of my trials and errors, particularly enjoying the latter.

Since that day, I’ve been waiting for the “NEW & IMPROVED” burst to appear on Kellogg’s Pop-Tart boxes, revealing the new double-sided frosted Pop-Tarts. I’ve seen different flavors. They not only offer pastries with real fruit, but chocolate ones, too. I’ve even seen pastries where you apply your own frosting, but still none with frosting already caked on both sides. I was certain I would have seen my idea flying off the shelves by now.

And so, I continue to build my own double-sided frosted Pop-Tart – whether the Kellogg’s company approves doesn’t matter anymore. After all, they wouldn’t know a good idea if it slapped them on both sides of the face.

Shootin’ the Wit is a weekly column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.