I miss being a kid.  There’s a chance I could still pass as one, but no longer will the "I forgot" excuse work.  No longer will causing physical harm to my siblings be considered "normal," and I’ve officially come to the realization that the $100 of cash received at Christmas is not enough to live off until next year.

Though I learned some very important things as I transitioned into adulthood, there were some things I was forced to educate myself on as a kid.  I believe these things are what made me survive the times.

Hangers in the bed. 

If I didn’t take on the knowledge required to complete this task, there would have been no satisfying, anonymous way to pay revenge against my callous siblings. There was nothing more satisfying than creeping into their room and slipping hangers between all layers of their bed (between their sheets and the mattress pad and between the mattress pad and the mattress.)  In addition, real masters would place hangers on both sides of their pillow.

Extracting the "best part" out of the cereal. 

Sifting through an entire box of cereal, picking out the marshmallows or berries is one of the best-tasting tricks I ever picked up on.  The most crucial part of this trickery is your presence.  While it’s fun to witness the subject realize their Lucky Charms have no marshmallows, and their Crunch Berries are really only "crunches," they may be upset to the point where they seek immediate (painful) revenge.  When putting this trick into play, I recommend being absent from the kitchen as the subject pours his or her bowl of cereal.  

The nine-volt battery. 

Ouch. Due to my gullible personality, I was usually a victim of this trick.  It’s one of the more cruel ones. For those who have never had the opportunity to "taste electricity," it can easily be done by placing your tongue on the end of one of these batteries. Though it’s not as painful as three siblings piling on top of you and tickling you, it wasn’t exactly pleasurable, either.  Oddly enough, this trick is generally done voluntarily to oneself.  All that is needed is a nine-volt battery and a lot of peer pressure. Comments like "it doesn’t even hurt"  "come on you wimp," and "this battery is dead, you won’t feel anything," are helpful in persuading the naive one to complete the task.

The wrinkled Old Maid card

At least one player must be oblivious to the wrinkled card.  To others, it is so obvious which card not to draw out of their hands, but to anyone unaware (especially at a young age), it’s nearly impossible to differentiate between the wrinkled, torn card and a perfectly stiff one.

The wake up … err – duck call

Waking up to a sibling blowing as hard as possible into a duck call an inch away from your ear can be somewhat startling. However, I promise there is nothing funnier than being on the other side of the duck call.

I’m sure we all have different versions of tricks we used when growing up. And if you somehow survived your childhood without anything of the sort, I’d love to know how. I miss pulling these pranks on a regular basis.  I guess I will just have to wait until I pass these tricks onto my kids.  Too bad they’ll have to learn the hard way.

Shootin’ the Wit is a weekly column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.