As we all know, the Christmas season brings on candy canes, sugar cookies, and the dreaded box of chocolates. I, for one, am not even remotely a fan. Despite my dislike for chocolates, I always trick myself into believing the box may have something good to offer.

I struggle with identifying which chocolates are which. Looking at all the pretty brown candies, I can only pinpoint the candies containing nuts. Otherwise, I’m left trying to avoid the horrid coconut (or whatever that white stuff is) and the cherry-filled nastiness. Don’t get me wrong… I like cherries – but jelly is for toast and cherries are for shakes, pies or Shirley Temples.

In the back of my mind I know I’m probably not going to like whatever I get out of that exquisite little box. I know there’s going to be something disgusting inside whatever I anticipate is a caramel-filled chocolate.

The chances aren’t good enough to take a risk! Let’s say there are 40 chocolates per box. There are maybe three caramel-filled ones. Typically, I end up sorting through the whole box sniffing each candy and breaking little cracks in each one to determine what its center offers. This may sound rude or disgusting, but more than anything, it’s a lot of work.  This task requires keen attention of at least three senses. After the entire box of little guys are demolished, I tell myself I’ll just purchase a Milky Way next time. I know it would be less stressful!

To be fair to the chocolates, I’ll admit on rare occasions I do discover the only good thing in the box. Never on the first try though! It seems to come after unfortunate episodes with disgusting fillings. Sadly, by the time I finally find what I’m looking for, I’ve lost my appetite.

Anyway, my point is I disagree with Forrest Gump’s mama. I do not believe that life is like a box of chocolates. It is much more enjoyable and surely less secretive. I think in life you have some idea of what you’re going to get. At least when you get it, you’re not left with that grody aftertaste.

Shootin’ the Wit is a weekly column about everyday life that should never, ever be taken too seriously.